


Forgotten Sanity

by AkashaTheKitty



Series: Death by Quill 2018 [1]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/M, Hogwarts, Implied Torture, Mind Manipulation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-20
Updated: 2018-04-20
Packaged: 2019-04-25 13:53:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,497
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14380020
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AkashaTheKitty/pseuds/AkashaTheKitty
Summary: 15-year-old Bellatrix Black carries the weight of her family's high demands and expectations on her shoulders. She's crumbling under the strain, but then one night in the library, she comes across an old notebook...





	Forgotten Sanity

**Author's Note:**

  * In response to a prompt by [TheSlytherinCabal](https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheSlytherinCabal/pseuds/TheSlytherinCabal) in the [DBQ2018Round1](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/DBQ2018Round1) collection. 



> Prompt was Obliviate with Bellatrix Black Lestrange and Tom Riddle, maximum word count 3500.
> 
> Thank you to my lovely beta torigingerfox. :)

 

If there was something young Bellatrix Black knew how to do, it was to please the adults. She presented herself neatly, received good marks, obeyed her parents in everything, and was every teacher's favourite. So it was no surprise to her or anyone when she was made a Prefect. It was nothing to be celebrated. Her parents viewed it as a matter of course. She was their eldest, and she would represent their family accordingly.

 

Sometimes she envied her younger sisters their freedom to be whoever they wanted. Bella didn't have the luxury of having her own personality. She was the emissary for the House of Black at all times and was expected to act as such. So here she was, alone in the depths of the Hogwarts library, staring at her shiny new badge.

 

"Well done, Bella," she muttered. "You've worked hard."

 

She sighed and got up to leave. She wasn't particularly bookish. If she never had to open another magic tome, she'd be fine with that, yet she knew she had another three years of intense studying ahead of her. She would never work, of course, but that didn't mean she didn't have to be at the top of her class.

 

_Like a trained monkey._

 

As she turned away, something caught her eye. She frowned, and went over to the neatly ordered row of books and pulled out the thin, black book wedged in behind the thick history tomes. It appeared someone had stashed their notebook here for safekeeping, but if the layer of dust was any indication, that owner wouldn't even be at Hogwarts any longer.

 

Never one to refuse a bit of help, she took the book with her.

 

***

 

Bella waited until she was back in the Slytherin common room, before she leafed through the book. All pages were empty. She sighed. She'd truly hoped they'd been someone's forgotten Potions notes.

 

She unloaded her books on one of the common room tables and opened the empty notebook. A moment she hesitated. As always, everything in the room was covered by the eerie green glow of the lake above, but on the page before her it looked sinister. Almost beckoning her to dive in and drown.

 

She shook her head. What nonsense.

 

 _Valerian root_ , she wrote. _Asphodel, wormwood, sopophorous bean._

 

**Little known fact: The genus of Wormwood known as Artemisia Absinthium is not the best ingredient to use if you're brewing a Draught of the Living Dead. Artemisia Vulgaris, more commonly known as Mugwort, is far more efficient.**

 

Bella squeaked and dropped her quill as the words materialised in front of her. Then she chastised herself. Really, it was just a magical notebook.

 

_Which properties of the Mugwort makes it superior?_

 

**How should I know? I used it by mistake.**

 

She blinked. Definitely not just a magical notebook.

 

_Who's there?_

 

**I could ask you the same.**

 

_Bellatrix Black._

 

**Ah, _Toujours Pur,_ n'est-ce pas?**

 

_You know our family motto? Who are you?_

 

**My name is Tom.**

 

_Are you a student?_

 

**It's complicated. But I suppose I am.**

 

_Why are you writing in this notebook?_

 

**It's not a notebook. It's a diary. And it's my only means of communication. How old are you, Bellatrix Black?**

 

_15\. You can call me Bella._

 

**Any siblings, Bella?**

 

_Two younger sisters. You knew our motto but not that?_

 

**I've been away.**

 

_Strange. I haven't heard of a student that's been away._

 

**I told you it's complicated.**

 

_How old are you, then?_

 

**16.**

 

_Then I must've seen you._

 

**I assure you, you haven't. I don't exactly wander the halls.**

 

_Why not?_

 

**I've been... held back.**

 

_Are you ill?_

 

**I'm getting better by the second. Tell me something more about yourself, Bella. Something you haven't told anyone.**

 

_A secret?_

 

**Something that rests in your soul.**

 

_My parents told me who I am to wed. I haven't told anyone yet._

 

**Why not?**

 

_It feels strange. I'm 15. I'm not ready to marry._

 

**You're the oldest. They want to ensure a good match.**

 

_I just feel like they keep piling on responsibilities and duties and it's smothering me and I want to scream. But I can't do anything about it, can I? I just have to do everything they tell me. I have to be a dutiful, proud Black heir._

 

**Yes.**

 

_Not very comforting._

 

**That's because you only see the limitations, not the possibilities. Who are you to marry?**

 

_Rodolphus Lestrange._

 

**Lestrange is an old and powerful family. This connection could benefit everyone.**

 

_We're both in school!_

 

**You won't be forever, will you? And now you have some time to get to know him.**

 

_I don't want to._

 

**Stop acting like a child and work with the tools you have.**

 

Bella stared at the pages, hurt and offended by the harsh words from this boy, this _stranger._ Who was he of all people to tell her what to do?

 

Irritated, she slammed the diary shut and shoved it in her bag.

 

Enough. She was going to bed.

 

***

The irritation lasted all through the following day. She was still the dutiful student and Prefect, but at lunch she snapped at her sister.

 

Andromeda, the ever wilful flake, merely scowled back, unwilling to mend her ways.

 

Of course. Why should she care that her older sister carried all the burdens of the family? Spoiled little brat.

 

When nighttime arrived, she yanked the diary open and pressed down so hard to write that she almost broke her quill.

 

_You had no right to say that!!!_

 

**Welcome back, Bella.**

 

_You have no idea how it feels to simply be tossed around like a ship on the stormy sea! I'm helpless to do anything but pray I won't drown!_

 

**You're wrong about that.**

 

_What can I do? Rebel? Refuse to marry him?_

 

**No, that would be unwise.**

 

_Of course it would!_

 

**Can you tell me what you find so objectionable about the Lestrange boy?**

 

_He's weak, okay? They say I have to follow him, but he's not going anywhere. If I have to follow someone, I want it to be someone strong, someone I can admire. Not some Mama's Boy who blushes whenever he sees me!_

 

**Then I have the perfect solution for that.**

 

_And what would that be?_

 

**Marry him but follow me.**

 

***

_Marry him but follow me._

 

Despite his proclaimed illness, he definitely seemed like a leader, someone worth following. But who was he? And how would he lead her? _Where_?

 

Over the next days, the words worked their way down to her chest where they sparked a sense of excitement. There was something that seemed a little dark and forbidden about that Tom boy, but for all that it was probably a bad idea, she felt the temptation grow.

 

She was just getting into bed one night when she heard a muffled thump. She glanced around but didn't see anything, so she resumed drawing her covers back. Another thump. She straightened up and looked over at her nightstand, now vibrating with each _thump, thump, thump._ Quickly glancing around to make sure none of the other fifth years had heard it, she found the key and unlocked the drawer. She cradled the diary and a self-inking quill in her arms as she climbed into her bed and closed the drapes.

 

 _What?_ she wrote.

 

**I don't like being put away to languish.**

 

She felt smug that Tom had obviously waited for her.

 

_I can't spend all my time writing you._

 

**You can.**

 

She felt a weak pull on her chest, something that made her feel nauseous and quite dizzy. She blinked and it was gone, but she was hit with a sudden realisation that she'd missed him.

 

_I'm sorry. I'll try to write you more often._

 

**Thank you, Bella. So how are you feeling?**

 

She was feeling dreadfully lonely, longing for the boy in the pages in front of her.

 

_Sad._

 

**Why sad?**

 

_I tell you everything about me, but I don't even know your last name._

 

**All you had to do was ask. It's Riddle. Tom Riddle But my close friends call me Lord Voldemort.**

 

_Are you a lord, then?_

 

**I will be. With the help of my friends.**

 

_Are we close?_

 

**The closest.**

 

_Can we meet?_

 

**Alas, not presently. I'm still recovering, you see.**

 

_I want to know what you look like._

 

**Your wish is my command.**

 

In front of her, the ink started swirling on the page until it painted a picture of a very handsome, dark-haired boy with eyes that seemed to penetrate her very soul.

 

She gasped as the ache in her chest intensified.

 

 **Happy?** it asked beneath the picture that was now grinning devilishly at her.

 

_You can show me your real self now._

 

**What do you mean?**

 

_You don't have to pretend to be that handsome._

 

**I will take that as a compliment... I think.**

 

_Are you saying that's really you?_

 

**I swear on Salazar Slytherin's grave.**

 

_I wish I were marrying you._

 

**Because of my looks? Beauty is only a fleeting power. You should strive for more than that.**

 

_How can I, when that's the only power I myself am allowed?_

 

**Power is not something that is allowed. You have to _take_ it. Be the warrior you were named after, Bellatrix.**

 

_Any idea how to do that?_

 

**Follow me.**

 

_Where are we going?_

 

**Utopia. A place where wizardkind is again allowed to flourish in the open without Muggle threat or interference. A world with unlimited power and, for those who play their cards right, even a bid for immortality.**

 

_That sounds lovely._

 

**You will be by my side and nothing will ever be denied you again. However... I am still weak. You will need to help me grow in strength. Can you do that?**

 

_Of course! Anything for you, Tom._

 

**Tom? I thought we were closer than that.**

 

_I mean, Lord Voldemort._

 

She could feel the pleasure positively wafting off the pages and she smiled. She would quite possibly do anything for this boy.

 

***

"Is this place all right?" Bella asked.

 

She'd found an abandoned stone chamber deep in the Hogwarts dungeons. It was dark, dank, and didn't seem to have been cleaned that century, but it filled the requested requirement - isolation.

 

**Yes, this will do.**

 

Bella jumped. She couldn't get used to this new development. After chatting these past few months with her Lord Voldemort, he'd seemed to gain in strength and presence, until one day, he could speak directly into her mind. It sounded like he was right by her ear, and from the way she got gooseflesh each time it happened, it certainly also _felt_ like it, but he was no more physically present now than he had been before.

 

There was a quiet laugh inside her head. No doubt he was rummaging through her thoughts.

 

**You have to get used to me, Bella. It's you and me now. Forever.**

 

She smiled at that as a new kind of gooseflesh spread down her back. Every day she fell deeper in love with this boy. He was handsome, he was powerful, he was intelligent. He was everything she would have liked in a husband, but he'd continually refused the idea.

 

"Make no mistake, Bella," he'd murmured in her ear. "You're mine now. Your marriage is but a political arrangement that will benefit us all."

 

So eventually she'd acquiesced.

 

She ran a finger over the cold stone of the wall and frowned at the smudge of dirt on her finger. "It's dirty."

 

**So clean it.**

 

Bella grimaced. She wasn't thrilled about any kind of housework.

 

**You're the one who's bothered by it.**

 

"You're right, my Lord." She dusted off her hands. "What's next?"

 

**Ah, yes. The next part. I fear you might not find that very... pleasurable.**

 

The way he said that chilled her. "What do you mean?"

 

**I need to practice my focus and my reach.**

 

"You mean..."

 

She didn't have time to even finish the thought, before she lost all control of her own body. She froze as if paralysed, and then wave after wave of pure agony washed over her. She couldn't move, couldn't scream. The only sign of her torment was the silent tears on her cheeks.

 

Then suddenly the grip he had on her gave out and she collapsed, her mouth opening around a terrible shriek she couldn't even recognise as a human sound.

 

She thrashed around on the filthy floor as the boy she loved tested the threshold for how much pain he could deliver, and how much pain she could receive.

 

Later, much later, she was curled up in a corner, sobbing. He'd finally stopped. She hadn't been sure he ever would.

 

**We should go back now.**

 

"Leave me alone."

 

**I understand that you found the pain upsetting. But it's a necessary sacrifice. Learning to deal with pain is beneficial too.**

 

"I'm not doing that again. And I want you out of my _head!"_

 

**I see. How unfortunate. I thought you were stronger than that.**

 

"And I thought you were less of an abusive creep. Guess we were both wrong, huh."

 

**There's only one problem, Bella.**

 

"And what's that?"

 

**I've put too much effort into you to let you go now.**

 

"So what are you going to do? You can't make me do this again. I'll tell everyone about you. I'll--"

 

**Obliviate!**

 

***

"Is this place all right?" Bella asked.

 

She'd found an abandoned stone chamber deep in the Hogwarts dungeons. She'd found it weeks ago, but somehow not made it down there until now.

 

**It's fine.**

 

Bella smiled. It was comforting to always have her secret lover murmuring things in her ear. True, he wasn't actually the sappy sort, he tended to be all business, but she found his ambition incredibly attractive in itself .

 

She ran a finger over the cold stone of the wall and looked at the smudge of dirt on her finger. "I'm sorry about the filth."

 

**It doesn't matter. Let's get started.**

 

At first it was only small tendrils radiating out from her breast and forehead, but soon it covered her entire body in pulsing, burning, stabbing torment.

 

She screamed.

 

***

"Is this place all right?" Bella asked.

 

She'd found an abandoned stone chamber deep in the Hogwarts dungeons. She'd known about it for months, but she hadn't quite found the time to bring her Lord here yet.

 

As she entered, she had her misgivings. Something about this very room made her want to burst out crying and run away. She frowned and looked around. It wasn't merely the dirt, it was a... feeling.

 

**Enough chit chat.**

 

Her heart began pounding in an unnatural arrhythmic beat that was incredibly uncomfortable. With each beat, it felt like her veins were filled with acid. She fell to her knees gasping.

 

Then she laughed.

 

It took hours for him to wrest a scream from her.

 

***

The ever so neat and proper Bellatrix was sat at the Slytherin table during lunch with her uncombed hair in a messy bun, twirling her wand between her fingers as she narrowed her eyes at the students at the nearby tables.

 

Her sisters gave each other a telling look. Lately she would be muttering to herself at odd times and then she'd suddenly start laughing, her eyes wild. The change hadn't been sudden enough for them to pinpoint it, but it had become worrisome.

 

Andromeda cocked her head, finally venturing a, "What are you thinking about, Bella?"

 

Bella pursed her lips. "Just how easy it would be. Pow. Pow. Pow." She pointed her wand at three random students. "Just like that and they'd all be deadsies before anyone could do anything." She laughed.

 

Andromeda wrinkled her nose. "Great. She's finally lost the plot."

 

Bella's rather unfocused gaze settled on Andromeda. "Oh, look at you, Andromeda... Dromeda... Drama." She laughed again. "I think that's what I'll call you. Drama. Always so dramatic, aren't you, little girl?"

 

"Hey, I'm only two years younger than you!"

 

"Lower your voices," said Narcissa, the youngest of the three. "People are staring. And put away your wand, Bella. You don't want the Headmaster's attention and he's already looking."

 

Bella looked like she might refuse, but then she smirked and had her wand disappear up her sleeve. "That's what I like about you, Cissy. Always so sensible."

 

Narcissa bowed her head, accepting the praise while muttering to herself, "And it certainly doesn't seem to run in the family."

 

***

Bella was moving along the corridor, skipping and humming to herself, occasionally twirling around for her own amusement.

 

Ever since she'd decided to grasp her own freedom and worry less about others, she'd had much more fun.

 

Oh, she still coloured inside the lines, there were rules and expectations to uphold, but who were to say that the sky couldn't be purple and the grass yellow?

 

Suddenly her heart skipped a beat and she stumbled to a halt. A man had just turned the corner in front of her. He ought to have been a complete stranger to her, but he wasn't.

 

He was an adult, old enough to be her father, with white skin and waxy features. He looked distorted, somehow. Unreal. As he came closer, she could see his lips were pressed together in anger and the white of his eyes looked bloodied.

 

Yet his eyes... they were _his_ eyes. Sharp and penetrating. Never would she mistake them anywhere.

 

He was beautiful.

 

**Interesting.**

 

"Lord V--" she abruptly cut herself off. Her Lord had impressed upon her time and again that the name was secret for the time being. "Mr Riddle!"

 

The man stopped and looked at her quizzically. "Yes?"

 

She grasped her chest. "Oh, Merlin. It really _is_ you! I'm... I'm so happy to finally meet you!" He seemed bemused so she quickly added, "I have your diary. We've been communicating for months."

 

"Ah." He smiled at her. "And what a pleasure that must be."

 

**I should probably tell you that while he is me, he does not know you. Not yet.**

 

She turned her head slightly. "I know that. I can tell. You can explain later."

 

**I could. But it would be better just to accept it.**

 

He raised his eyebrows, but then he said, "He speaks to you, doesn't he?"

 

"Yes."

 

"What did he say?"

 

"That you do not know me yet."

 

"That is true, I'm afraid. But if he means for us to meet, you must truly be worthy, Miss...?"

 

"Are you still here?" The Headmaster had materialised behind Lord Voldemort. "I thought I told you that there's nothing here for you."

 

"I was merely chatting with this enchanting young student of yours, Dumbledore."

 

"You should leave Miss Black alone."

 

"Miss Black? _Toujours Pur,_ hm?"

 

Bella giggled. "You really are him."

 

**Did you ever doubt it?**

 

Her Lord winked and bowed to her. "Make sure to come visit me once you finish school, Miss Black. I'm sure we'll have many things to discuss."

 

Bella's eyes sparkled with excitement. "Yes, Sir!"

 

As he left, the Headmaster regarded her with a frown. "Do you know that man, Miss Black?"

 

She shrugged. "I've heard of him, Headmaster. If you don't mind me asking, why was he here?"

 

"He was applying for a teaching position."

 

"Oh?" The idea of being taught by her Lord thrilled her like nothing else.

 

Dumbledore narrowed his eyes at her. "Alas, I had to tell him the position had already been filled."

 

**Liar.**

 

"Oh." She sighed. "What a pity. He's a great wizard."

 

"In my experience there are two kinds of great wizards, Miss Black. Those that should be admired and those that should be feared. I would be careful with the admiration in this case."

 

He nodded and walked off.

 

Bella smiled to herself. "Perhaps... but how can I admire someone who doesn't instill fear in people?"

 

***

Bella ran along giggling with excitement, her new husband in tow. He wasn't reluctant per se, but he always seemed to be a few steps behind.

 

"Come on, Rodolphus!" she said breathlessly. "We're almost there. Can't you smell the greatness?"

 

He merely grunted and followed her as she entered the secret meeting place.

 

Finally. After biding her time for years and following his diary's every direction, she'd received an invite.

 

Her Lord had his back turned when she entered, but as soon as she stepped into the room he turned around. A new thrill coursed through her, as his eyes landed on her.

 

**Hand over the diary.**

 

She nodded. She knew she'd lose the voice, he'd told her as much, but she'd gain so much more. Wordlessly she walked over to her hero, her saviour, the love of her life, and handed him the book.

 

He received it with a smile.

 

"Welcome, Miss Black. I've been waiting for you."

 

"It's Lestrange now." She glanced at her husband.

 

"Ah, yes. Of course. I'm delighted to have the both of you here."

 

She grinned back. This was her future, her fate. He would lead her and she would follow.

 

Always together.

 

She couldn't wait.

 


End file.
